NurulHidayu: broken family

I look at him. Straight into his eyes.
"I'm actually came from a broken family. My family live separately since I'm 14 years old. I study on my own, using my own expenses."

Oh, my. Poor child. I asked him how he handle his life at that time. He said all his family members live separately and did not see each other very much. They live their own life and barely contact. Hmm.

"How about Aidilfitri?"
"I celebrate Aidilfitri with my girlfriend's family."

Wow.

"What is your plan after this?"
"I nak pursue my study at Linden University, after that study luar."
"Bidang apa?"
"Masscom."

"That's a good planning actually. You dah ada planning for your future. I'm glad. I also came from a broken family. I know the feelings. It is good to hear that you have your own planing after this. Certain people cannot tolerate these problems and keep on blaming the parent, cannot control their emotions and eventually destroy their own life and future. Never give up and jangan jadikan 'broken family' ni sebagai alasan untuk tidak berjaya. Kalau you nak something tu, grab it. Try to reach your goals."

He smiled.

When you meet someone who comes from a broken family you probably won’t know it right away. They’ll do their best to blend in, to watch their words, to make sure they seem like everyone else. It’s a habit they’ve picked up over the years. How easy it is to look like all the rest. How easy it is to perform the same dance and routine.

Wear the right clothes. Say the right things. Don’t let your guard down. Never allude to the fact there’s something missing.

And what is missing? It’s the question that continues to haunt them. Was it losing their parent at a young age? Was it the divorce, the abuse, the memories that can’t seem to go away? Was it because they had to grow up faster than everyone else? Not every broken person shares the same story and their story lives inside of them triumphantly defiant, an anchor holding the weight of their heart down, but the hollowness feels eerily similar all the same. They don’t know how to quite pinpoint when it all seemed to fall apart. All they know is that they fell. Hard.

A broken family -- a family in which the parents are separated or divorced -- is disruptive to your child's life no matter how carefully you protect him. Over time, your little one will come to accept his new "normal," but recognize that it will take time for this acceptance to happen and that behavioral bumps will occur along the way.

I used to join charity event or camp organised by The Pelangi Project, a non-government organisation (NGO). The founders were all my seniors from Zagazig University, Egypt. This group mainly focus for homeless, unfortunate children and orphans.

First time I joined was in 2015 at Darhikmah, Gopeng, Perak. That time memang excited. I jumpa ramai kanak kanak yang tidak bernasib baik kat sana. Darhikmah is actually not an orphanage. Most of children kat situ dihantar sebab parent tak mampu nak jaga or parent tak mampu nak tanggung kos sara hidup because anak terlalu ramai. Jadi kisahnya, ada di antara mereka yang terpaksa berpisah dengan adik beradik. Ada yang dihantar ke negeri lain. Ada yang dijaga oleh ibu bapa saudara. Kasihan.

There is one child, I kenal waktu kat sana. Umur baru 15 years old rasanya. Very small, thin boy tho dah form 3. Boleh dikatakan dia sangat rebel waktu aktiviti dijalankan. Semunya dianggap gurauan dan tak boleh mendengar arahan. Lama lama bila one of my senior datang approach dia, baru dia okay Lelaki ni kena lelaki yang approach. Baru dia okay nak cerita.
So I dapat tahu, this boy came from a broken family (obviously?). Ayah dah takde. Tinggal ibu yang menyara keluarga. Adik beradik 7 orang; 2 orang perempuan dan selebihnya lelaki. This boy anak ke 6 (or bongsu? I couldn't remember). Kakak kakak alhamdulillah dah kahwin, duduk dengan keluarga suami. Unfortunately abang abang dia terlibat dalam substances misuse; drugs. Jadi si ibu tak nak this boy terlibat juga dengan abang abang dia, maka anak ini dihantar ke Darhikmah supaya berada dalam jagaan yang baik dan dididik dengan ilmu ilmu asas agama. This boy dapat sumbangan dari satu pihak dan dia simpan baik sebab nak serahkan pada si ibu untuk belanja. Tapi dia khuatir abang abangnya merampas duit yang sedikit itu daripada si ibu untuk membeli dadah, memuaskan nafsu sendiri. I dengar rasa hiba. I didn't tell him that I already knew his story.

At the end of day, I mean last day of the charity event, I sat beside him. I told him I knew his problems and his family matter. It doesn't matter. Apa yang dah jadi, jadilah. We cannot say anything. So yang penting sekarang is his future. Dia still selamat from gejala gejala sosial yang merosakkan diri. Dia masih ada harapan untuk berjaya. Benar susah nak berjaya bila he came from unfortunate family. Susah nak belajar sebab tak ada duit. So I terangkan kat dia how's life gonna be after dia keluar from Darhikmah. Darhikmah only accept child up to 17 years old, maximum. After SPM, dia kena duduk luar. Which mean either dia duduk rumah saudara mara dia or duduk dengan si ibu, which kinda risky for him sebab dia might terpengaruh dengan abang abang dia. Tapi dia je harapan untuk menjaga si ibu. Si ibu pun sudah tua, tidak bekerja. I told him to study hard while kat sekolah ni. We don't have anything at least we have knowledge. Ilmu tu tak ternilai harga dia. I told him, try to excel in studies so he can try mohon universiti awam. Dengan ada degree, or at least diploma, he can work in certain area. Better laa kan? Kalau dia ada jiwa and otak business, itu lagi bagus for him.

I said to him. If you rasa nak menangis, menangislah. Supaya hati you tak terbeban dengan rasa sakit. Makin simpan, takut makan diri sendiri suatu hari nanti. Kalau malu nak nangis depan kawan kawan, menangislah waktu dalam bilik air. Waktu mandi. Tak nampak sangat. Cuma mata la merah nanti. Carilah kawan yang you can trust, share with him/her your problems bit by bit kalau you rasa tertekan. Mara ke depan. Jangan jadikan masalah keluarga sebagai penghalang kita nak berjaya, Ada ramai lagi orang yang tak bernasib baik tapi mereka masih berjaya. You pun can do this.

Ada tu, dihantar sebab ibu bapa tak boleh nak tanggung tho anak dua orang je. Si ibu kahwin muda, di usia 24 tahun, si anak dah berusia 16 tahun. Gila. Si ibu tidak bekerja dan si ayah hanya bekerja sebagai buruh binaan. Dihantar ke Darhikmah supaya dididik dengan baik dan pergi ke sekolah. Cukup makan dan ada tempat tidur. Hmm.

I wish the best for three of them. Hope they still can move forward and be a successful person one day.

OTHER SOURCES:

If you fall in love with someone who comes from a broken family and you need a second opinion or advice, you can read it here.

Broken family & Childs Behaviours
The Effect of Broken Family

The number of divorces in Malaysia has more than doubled in just eight years from 2004. In 2012, a whopping 56,760 divorces were recorded, which is equivalent to a marriage breaking down every 10 minutes.

According to statistics provided by the Syariah Judiciary Department Malaysia (JKSM), the number of Muslim couples getting divorced rose by 2.3 times from 20,916 in 2004 to 47,740 in 2012, and to 49,311 last year.

The number of non-Muslim marriages, however, broke down at a slightly higher rate from 3,291 divorces in 2004, increasing by 2.7 times to 9,020 cases in 2012, the most recent year where statistics are available from the Statistics Department.

While couples are increasingly splitting up, the number of marriages, however, are also going up.

A total of 112,262 Muslim couples tied the knot in 2004, a number that has risen steadily in general over the years to 148,806 marriages in 2012, according to the Department of Islamic Development Malaysia (Jakim).

source: Malay Mail Online